Wow! It feels like forever since I have updated my blog. I have put up pictures and jokes and things like that, but no updates or exciting adventures. Why? Well, life is pretty boring right now. I am busy, yet have lots of time on my hands. I am stressed, yet excited for my return home. I have a clear mind, yet I have bouts of insanity. There hasn’t been anything of note to blog about. No one wants to hear complaints day after day, and lately I feel that my soul is in need of some rejuvenation, rest and relaxation.
I have lost the ability to care and have become numb with repetition and monotony. I really miss my wife. Loving her keeps me going, but it is also the hardest thing about being away. I got used to having her around me day after day, comforting me, laughing, making me smile. I don’t have anything to care for out here, really, other than my job, and I have given 110% at work for so long that my gas tank is nearly on empty.
I feel like I am in an old black and white movie, as if life has lost it’s color and it’s beauty for the present time. I used to know what joys and beauty there were in life, but the longer I go without them, the more dead I feel inside. I am reminded of a Kenneth Cope song, one that has much greater meaning to me today than it did when I first heard it. It speaks of a jaded heart and a cold life; longing, praying, hoping for new life to be given, for the spirit within to re-awaken. I am encompassed my the hum-drum boringness of uneventful life and long to get back to life at home; home with all of it’s beauty, joy and happiness and the woman I adore. I need some color in my life, people!
I am NOT about to go jump into the ocean or find myself swinging from the nearest ceiling fan (not that we have those, mind you). I believe that these feelings are similar to a deadly poison, one that needs to be purged from the body. This is the best way I know of to do that, at least while I am out here away from home. Let the poison seep out. Man, I need a vacation.
Enough insanity for one day. I am working on a poem which I will post up once it is completed. Right now I have a meeting to get to……don’t I feel special…………….not!
Good luck with the poem, I have had writer’s block for a while and hope to change that soon, though most of what I have been working on is fiction. They are resurrecting as quickly as poems did, two three ideas a day and each unraveling. It’s good that this blog helps you address the deadly poison of loneliness, sometimes the inspiration such longing brings allows us to see the light more clearly and appreciate what the longing reminds us of, that love exists out there for us, and home…home is where we can best find it.